Self-care: How could you?

Let’s talk about self-care.

What is self-care? I’m not sure how you define self-care, but I know how most do. It seems like the common theme that stands out when defining this term is…

Being selfish.

How many people reading this right now are nodding their heads to that definition? And do you actually believe this to be true OR is this head nodding you have going on just instilled in you?

So, how about we take a look at what the ACTUAL definition is.

self-care

/ˌselfˈker/

noun

1. the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.

2. the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

I want to draw your attention to the bolded words in that definition. To preserve, improve, and/or protect. And it requires that we take an active role in accomplishing these things.

Guys… what’s the deal here?

I’m all about helping people redefine what this means for them because it is vital to their survival and to yours! And let me be clear. I don’t define it for them. The clients I work with and the people in my personal life define what this means for them; however, I take an active role in breaking open the limiting belief that it is selfish to take care of ourselves.

It seems like old tapes from years ago are still playing on repeat in families all over the country. The younger generations are breaking free from this limiting belief little by little, but I still see it seep into the ways people internalize messages about who they are. I believe the lack of self-care that I see in people’s lives is a real problem. I know of people in my personal life who wait until the last minute to even go to the doctor because they believe they are being selfish for doing so. I will admit to that being something I struggled with for a long time.

How about feeling guilty for doing something nice for yourself? Got a pedicure recently? Perhaps a massage? Or maybe you just went and purchased a new pair of shoes because you could. So many people experience this wave of guilt come over them followed by the negative rush of thoughts telling them all the ways they are being selfish. For some, it might be as simple as taking time to exercise and feeling guilty about the ways you are spending your time. Especially if you have a family. And maybe even more so if you have kids (please notice how I separated those two. You DO NOT have to have kids to have a family).

Again, I’ll raise my hand here. I wake up at 3:30am 6 days a week to ensure that I have more than enough time to pour into myself (and also, I really love waking up early) before my children all get up for the day and yet, there was a time I would still feel guilty for doing that! Because I am a mom of 4 children and for some reason, I felt that if I my eyes were open, it meant that all my energy needed to go to my kids. ALL of it! That belief is in another box that can be unpacked some other day with you all. I did unpack it though in my own time and in my way. I discovered a lot about myself and the identities I carry around like a girl scout wears her badges proudly. I have moved some of my badges around. I’ve taken some off and I have put some new ones on.

The one I am the proudest of adding is my self-care badge. It’s the biggest one I have. It’s the brightest. And it took me digging deep to understand the anxieties and guilt I had around self-care to get it. Now, I continue to help others earn their self-care badge and I love it!

If you haven’t broken free of your own limiting and most likely self-defeating beliefs about self-care, I encourage you to get some help in this area. Begin to think about what you are currently doing. Does it fuel your mind, your body and your spirit? Are there activities you used to do that you enjoyed before getting married, having children, starting that fast-paced job, etc.? Also, what are activities, hobbies or skills you have wanted to dive into that you could perhaps begin to do now? Again, you get to define what self-care looks like. But first, do the work to connect with what self-care feels like, make the adjustments and be consistent.

The song below by Ciara became my self-care anthem over 2020. I listened to it on repeat until I felt like I could feel the words in my bones. I sort of replaced some of Macklemores words with language that makes sense to fit me and BAM! Such a great song!

Until next time... the Joy is found in the Journey!