I have been practicing psychotherapy for a short 6 years. I can still remember what it was like going in to interview for the master's program and then going through the interview process for my internship. It was an adrenaline rush both times. I was nervous. I was more excited than I was nervous and either way, I used that energy to help bring who I truly was out into the space between myself and the interviewer.
I say who I truly was because during both interview processes I was struggling with some things that began to dim what light was left in me, and I knew that if I was going to have a chance to survive and hopefully thrive moving forward; I was going to need to tap into a deeper place within myself that felt almost impossible to bring out.
One of the things I have come to learn about myself over the last 6 years is that when I feel even the slightest bit of doubt shooting at me from someone else's insecurities...
I fight harder.
I dig deeper.
I get more focused.
And my determination is untouchable.
So, I kind of enjoy it when people doubt me. It just fuels my soul and pumps fire through my heart and shines through my accomplishments!
And I don't say that to brag. I say that to encourage you to use the doubters and haters vibes in your life to propel you forward. Their doubt in you is just a projection of the doubt they have within themselves and their own capabilities. They will catch up or they won't, but it isn't our job to make ourselves small in order to make them feel better.
Okay, I may have gone off on a rabbit trail there. I am extremely passionate about the work I do. And I mean the work I do with my clients. With every story I hear about ways people have shrunk themselves along their path in life, I get more and more fired up to make a bigger impact on the world. I want people to stand up for themselves, create the lives they have always dreamed of, and feel empowered enough to reach back and help others who are ready to transform their lives too.
Here's the thing...
The clients I have worked with over the years have helped transform me in ways I never imagined they'd know. The odds of every single client I have ever worked with reading this post is pretty slim; however, even if one of these amazing people come across this and knows the impact they have had on my life it will be worth writing it.
For those of you who are in therapy yourself, I applaud you for showing up week after week with your therapist, trusting them, and pulling up weeds that most likely have developed some strong roots. I can't speak on behalf of all mental health professionals, but I bet there are many who will agree that you all change our lives probably more so than we help change yours.
I remember the very first client I ever sat with did not want to see a female therapist. Due to a shortage in male therapists at the time, I was assigned to work with this client. I was already a nervous wreck and I had this knowledge going into the session; I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I went into the restroom shortly before the top of the hour and I swear to you, I felt like time slowed down and I could hear every sound around me on another level. Sweat was dripping from my forehead and when I looked in the mirror I looked pale. After splashing water on my face and doing some breathing techniques, I remembered what one of the supervisors had said days before...
"Remember, you are one human being sitting in front of another human being, having a conversation"
Thank God for all the messages received along the way! These nuggets seem to get filed away in my mental drawer titled Just in Case of Emergencies.
I repeated this to myself a few times, took one more deep breath and opened the door to what has been 6 unbelievable years of inviting people in to share their inner most worlds with me.
And I have loved every single minute of it!
I have never and will never ask any of my clients to do something I am not willing to do myself. That includes reading books, listening to podcasts, musical references, art... you name it. If I encourage anyone to use a resource outside of the therapy space, you can bet I have already experienced it myself. This also includes any specific homework assignments I give them. I guess in some ways, I feel like I am growing and healing right beside them.
Healing takes place within the relationship. And healing, I believe comes from a place of acceptance. I accept each of my clients and they accept me. I say that because every single client knows what my sexual orientation is. This really shouldn't seem like a big deal, but when I was training, this was something I felt I had to keep hidden from my clients. Which is sad because me being gay, fully owning that AND highlighting that about myself has been one of the biggest places of growth I have seen in myself and it shows in my practice. The minute I stopped hiding, my phone wouldn't stop ringing. My email blew up with people who could identify with me and wanted to connect with someone who they felt could better understand them.
I stopped hiding and so did my clients.
And I'm not just speaking about my LGBTQ+ community either. I'm talking about my silly folks who have the best sense of humor, but who are also hurting so deeply inside. I'm talking about my couples who are struggling and tired of pretending everything is okay. I'm talking about my creative people who use different forms of art as a way to express what they are trying to communicate.
I'm talking about all the people I was unable to reach before because... I wasn't being me.
I'm glad I decided to stop that shit! Because, I am not perfect, but I am pretty amazing and I do not feel bad about saying that at all! I'm not for everyone and not everyone will be a good fit for me. I have faith that I will continue to be connected to the right people simply because I am letting my authentic self shine. And that is what I want for others too!
To any of my clients who are reading this, past and present, there are a few things I want you to know.
No... Thank You,
Thank you for being relentless in your pursuit to better your lives and for allowing me to be in this space with you every week. I have one client in particular who has been with me all 6 years. They have seen me grow as a therapist and as a person. I am so thankful for you for so many reasons, but more than anything I am proud of the person you have become over the years!
I am in awe and inspired by every single one of you!
You have no idea how much your stories of struggle and triumph have helped me spread more empowerment and hope to those who continue to make their way to me. After you listen to as many experiences people have as a therapist does, you start to gather themes of ways people experience life. I've gathered language to help move people along on their journey because of the vulnerability you show. I guess what I am saying is, it sometimes feels like you all help one another and I am just a tool that is being used through God's will to help make the connections. It's so beautiful to experience this on my side of things. I wish everyone could see this view!
You thank me for helping you.
You say I have changed your life.
You say that you can't imagine making the changes in your life that you have made without me.
I assure you the feeling is always mutual!!!
Even the moments that are difficult. Because we therapists are humans too, and we don't always get it right. The moments that are difficult have taught me what it means to truly be intentional about repairing a rupture in a relationship. I have learned to own up to my faults and very quickly because it is never about who is right or wrong. It's always about attuning to a person's experience and being mindful of how we play a part in the feeling that is being generated. It's about being responsible for your part of the relationship and me being responsible for my part. These ways of 'being' in relation to another person has spilled over into my personal life in a big way and my relationships are deeper and more fulfilling because of it. I learned this from you all and I thank you for being patient with me as I continue to learn and grow as a mental health professional and... as a person. I hope that you can find a sense of peace in knowing how hard I work on my end to better myself. I take care of me so I can be the source of energy in other's lives that I want to be.
Thank you for the laughs where at times some of you have me rolling in joyful tears. Some of you have even had the pleasure of hearing my snort!
Thank you for the cries and yes I have cried with several of you. There was a time I thought that if I cried while in session with a client, it sent a message that I couldn't handle what I was hearing. If I cry with you it's because I am feeling your pain. I am an empath through and through and I can feel the pain in some deep ways.
Thank you for some deep heartfelt discussions and intellectual conversations that feel like trips to some unknown land and back.
Thank you for hanging in there through my endless metaphors and images I share with you to help bring the content we are discussing to life.
Thank you for standing up for yourselves and making this friendly neighborhood therapist the one you choose to continue to take with you along your journey in life.
Being a mental health professional has been the most rewarding experience I think I have ever had. And I mean that. How many people get to connect with others every day in this way? People get excited about a good story line in a movie or a book? I get to see the real life stuff every day. The struggles, the loss, the pain, the heartache. On the other side of that are the celebrations! The new relationships, new marriages, babies, new careers, moves, retirements, and every "ah-ha" moment along the way!
And the best part of it all?
Seeing and Feeling the shift when it all comes together.
It's absolutely beautiful and I wouldn't trade those moments for anything! I pray for those moments. When we celebrate, I get off the call and I thank God for that celebration and I thank Him for the many more that are to come. I say a prayer for all of you every morning that I wrote. I have shared it several times, but never in a way where any of my clients could read it.
Until now...
Thank You.
Lord, help me receive Your guidance as I begin a new day,
with patience and understanding of the souls you send my way.
For each person has a story that is yearning to unfold,
so that healing may begin, from the young to the old.
I pray to be a safe place that feels judgement free,
a place where my clients can find trust in me.
May You forever be present as we work side by side,
to uncover and understand what is deep inside.
Help me to stay present and be the support they need
on their journey to acceptance and tranquility.
The stories can be heavy, the hours can be long.
Fill me with Your spirit Lord, help me carry on.
Keep my eyes wide open so I can fully see
the gift of compassion and care that You have given me.
I trust in You where I have been called to be.
Thank You, Lord, for Your protection and peace.
When my day is over, I pray for the strength to do it all again.
I ask this in Your name Jesus, Amen.
Exercise: You can try this regardless of who you are or where you are on your journey to self actualization...
Take a moment to get comfortable, take a few deep breaths, and when you are ready place one hand over your heart, press play below, and close your eyes.
Bring to mind a starting point from where you began your journey. Maybe you were sitting in the car at a red light thinking about how miserable you were. Perhaps there was a day you just couldn't get out of bed. Maybe for some of you it was looking at yet another empty bottle or... a bottle full of pills. Wherever you were when you made the choice to get help, begin there and work your way forward through your journey so far. Stop and acknowledge silently each moment that was pivotal for you. Stop and say thank you to the people you see along the way who have helped you. Say thank you to yourself for not giving up. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come up for you, but keep going.
So often, we all hit one goal and move right onto the next without fully integrating the experience into our identities. This exercise allows you the opportunity to do that in an intimate way. And you can do this as many times as you need to or want to. I listen to this several times per week to not only do the exercise I described above, but I use it to help me visualize my future and step into what I want it to feel like. Only now, I don't begin from the very beginning. I begin with whatever the most recent experiences were that I sort of want to give thanks to.
Take your time with this. The song is 10 minutes long.
Until next time... the Joy is found in the Journey!
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