It's official! My oldest child has completed all her coursework through the disaster that virtual learning was and she is now officially a FRESHMAN in high school...
I might be panicking just a little over here!
I get told at least twice a month that I "look so young" or "there is no way you have a 14yo". I assure you, I really do and also... thank you for the compliment.
I'm honestly not sure if the full reality has hit me quite yet. Again, we did virtual learning this school year, which means that she only stepped foot in the school during state testing. Normally, there is an entire series of events that mark the end of the school year, and even more events for students who are going from one school to an entire new school (and let me tell you, the high school she is going to looks like a small college campus).
Same goes for my other three kids. My son will be going into middle school this fall and my twins will be starting kindergarten.
Sometimes it feels like they are growing faster than I can keep up with... emotionally I mean. As soon as my heart adjusts to where they currently are in life, someone goes and does something that reminds me that I can't set up camp in that emotional space for too long at any given moment. It also reminds me to be more present with them.
When I think about my daughter starting high school, I seem to be taken back to when she was born and from there, flashes of memories we have made over time run through my mind like a movie trailer. This movie has all the feels too. The one I feel the most, the emotion that seems to be the loudest is... Pride.
I am so PROUD of the young lady she is and the woman she continues to evolve into.
She is my first born, which means that she has paved the way for her siblings as she and I experience a lot "firsts" together.
I experienced the pain of watching her pull her first tooth. It was definitely more painful for me!! Before that, she was the first to walk and taught me to CALM down because everything was going to be OKAY. She was going to have to fall a million times before she learned to take that first step without falling.
And I guess that's the point of this post. I have learned to be patient through becoming a parent. Yes, I became a mom at a young age, but my spirit has always been a lot older than my chronological age. I can remember always feeling a sense of pride when people would tell me that I was "mature for my age" growing up. That prideful feeling was always followed by something heavier, but I never seemed to be able to put my finger on it until I started hearing people say the same thing to my daughter.
If you pay close attention to her, you will see and feel an immediate glow, in what seems to be the initial pride she also has for herself. But the minute that moment passes, her shoulders drop and I recognize that same heaviness.
Pain.
I can see and feel the pain all over her in those moments and as her parent, it crushes me to no end that this is something we have in common.
With her maturity has come a lot of pain.
She and I had a conversation about this a few weeks ago and I was once again reminded that if we as parents can learn to just listen to our kids without feeling the need to "fix" the problem, we will often find that our children already have the solution. What they need is someone to just affirm their experiences and to love them through whatever difficulties they are facing.
Once upon a time, any time she would try to discuss her emotions with or around a certain person who shall remain nameless, she would be met with the response of "well, I don't know what your problem is. You have it way better than I ever did".
People....
This is not a healthy response. And if that is what your response is, it might be time to talk about this in therapy.
Can anyone guess why this is not a healthy response?
It completely invalidates the other persons experience! That is hurtful no matter who it is said to, but when it's your own child? I don't claim to be perfect and I never will. I do know how to respond to people and even when I don't get it quite right, I am real quick to feel it, own it, apologize and correct myself.
Over the last few months, all of my kids have been coming out of their shells more (aka, their bedrooms). They seem to feel more free to express themselves in whatever way they are feeling. Sometimes it is through words, but most of the time it seems to be through singing, dancing and other forms of art. Amazing things happen when you surround yourself and your children with positive, affirming people! I am so thankful for all of you who pour so much of yourselves into me and my family!!
If it feels like I went down a rabbit trail, I assure you there is a point to sharing this.
High school may present itself as some of the best years that my children have, some of the most difficult years, or maybe a little bit of both. All I know is that when I look at my daughter, I see her and who she is today.
I also see my baby...
The girl who added "mom" to the list of names I go by. The cute little thing that used to brush my hair while we watched Dora the Explorer and learned Spanish together (clearly none of it stuck for me). I see a child who loves me unconditionally and even though I am sure there will be tough times ahead, again we are entering uncharted waters together... I have faith that we will work through it all together.
One of my favorite things she has ever said to me, and perhaps the best thing these ears have ever heard was...
"Mom, I think you are perfect and not because you are perfect, but because you let us see your imperfections and it helps us know that it is okay that we are not perfect either. You are the right amount of what a great mom is and the right amount of what a great friend is. So, that is why I think you ARE perfect".
She said this to me one day while we were driving... you can probably imagine the scene.
I have no idea how to be a parent to a teenager. But, I can tell you this. By the time my son who is 12 and my twins, who are 5, get to this point in their lives, I'll feel like a pro and I will always have my oldest to thank for that!!
This last part is specifically for my daughter...
Sweetheart,
My world changed the day you were born. So many times over the years, I have looked at you in awesome wonder, just overcome with the emotions that run through me. Most of the time, I sit in disbelief that you are my daughter, that you came from me. When you were younger, you often spoke about how you were going to stay with me forever. I hope that is not still true and not because I can't wait for you to leave... but because there are people in this world who are waiting to cross paths with you who may not know how much you are going to change their lives for the better. As much as I would love for you to stay by my side forever, that would be selfish of me to keep all of who you are to myself. There is something so special about you my love and although you have struggled to see what I see, what everyone sees once they get to know you, I can see the ways in which you are starting to believe in yourself more. Don't ever let anyone tell you who you can be! That is only for you to decide sweetheart and I will be here for you any time you need me. And if I don't know the answer, we can ask your grandparents :)
To the rest of you...
For those of you who have gone before me on this journey of raising a high schooler, I salute you!! For those who are in the same boat as me currently, feel free to come over any time so we can cry together as needed! And for those of you who have yet to test these fine waters, I bid thee well. Please pray for me!
Until next time... the Joy is found in the Journey!!!
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